EMDR

 

John Gottman, author of The Seven Prinicples for making Marriage Work, indicates that he can predict if a couple will divorce or stay happily married after watching and listening to them interact for 5 minutes with 91% accuracy!

His work is based on decades of research in his Seattle Love Lab, observing over 650 couples.  His research suggests that making a marriage happy is suprisingly simple.  Happy couples have a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones.  He refers to this as an "emotionally intelligent marriage".  

 

Happy marriages are based on the quality of the friendship, not the ability to resolve conflict.  Friendship means the mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company.  67% of problems in a marriage are perpetual, which means that they are not solveable.  Successful couples learn how to talk about their problems, rather than solve them.  

 

Rediscovering or reinvigorating friendship doesn't prevent

couples from arguing.  Instead, it gives them a secret weapon

that prevents disagreements from getting out of hand.

 

 

 

 

In knowledge, there is strength.  The more you know your partner, 

the better prepared you are to handle stress and conflilct.

 

 

The Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. Dr. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that are poisonous, and can predict the end of a relationship.  The Four Horsemen are listed below.  The good news is, there are antidotes, and they are found in couples counseling!